Me: Buys a week’s worth of fruit like a responsible parent. Also me, 12 hours later: Why is the orange bag half-empty? Where did all the grapes go? Who vaporized the cantaloupe?! Turns out, I’m raising a self-proclaimed fruititarian who sees portion sizes as mere suggestions. Anyone else dealing with this? Hide your fruit, hide your wife… can’t have nothing nice around here! #FruitMonster #SendHelpAndMoreOranges #ParentingOnHardMode #CantKeepUp